It's just occured to me that my sleeping habits are all fudged up. Last night I couldn't get to sleep until around two in the morning, and then I woke up an hour ago. That gives me five hours of sleep... is that insomnia? Usually I'd at least sleep until ten when I stay up late and now I can't even do that. Plus, I wake up several times during the night for some reason. It's just starting to get on my nerves.
I'm very optimistic that today will be... good. And I hate to say that because in my head, whenever I expect something to go one way it always goes another. Always. even after my binge, I still have no energy to exercise. Heck, I still get dizzy when I walk down the stairs. I already have heart palipations, this makes it worse.
I have several scabs from cutting, and they're starting to come off. I'm worried that they're going to leave a scar... because I literally have them ALL OVER. I used to be careful not to cut any skin that would show once I lost weight and could wear nice clothes, but this last time I just didn't care.
Once I reach my first goal, I'll post a picture of me. I'm way too embarrassed to show you what I look like now... I think the reason why I'm so motivated for this is because I told my family to buy me jeans that are a size too small for christmas. If I can't fit those jeans... well, it'll be awfully embarrassing, seeing as I convinced them all that I really wear that size. It's just ten pounds. I lost five pounds from Thursday to Saturday and I only fasted on Friday. I know it wasn't water weight because I literally was drinking liters and liters of water. like, a lot. I'm terrified of getting dehydrated.
There's a bird outside my window, which is weird because it's in the middle of winter... OH, do any of you like video games? I have an xbox 360 and I play Final Fantasy XIII on it! I love that game so much. At times it's really hard, and you have to pick a certain strategy and everything. Some of the bosses take me hours and hours to beat, but then there's that total elation I feel once I beat them. :) Anyway, that happened to me yesterday and I thought to myself, "Hey fatass, don't you see, this is a LOT better than food. Does food ever make you feel this good?" So basically, from this, I deduced that I have to play video games whenever I feel like binging. Which means I need to by more sixty dollar games that turn me into a hermit. Which brings me to my gift I'm giving myself once I make my second goal weight. I really want those games too.
... I need to stop writing so much.
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